My Reason

There was a time, not long ago, where I guess you could say I didn't feel. Without going into details, I'll just leave it as I was betrayed. Yes, it hurt, for a while, I can't say exactly how long it did before I went from hurt and bleeding, to just numb. I had no desire, no interest, in anyone. I was single for about 2.5 to 3 years. I just didn't care, I had friends and family, that was all that mattered. Towards the end of that period of time, watching friends date, get married, have families of their own, I started to feel something was missing. I started to long for that feeling, longing to feel loved. So I decided to try again. Finding someone that wanted to date didn't take long. She asked me first. It was a disaster. I was miserable. We were always fighting, over the most impossibly stupid shit. I wasn't sure if the problem was me. So I tried harder, and made it last around 9 months before I got  fed up with it. A few months prior to the last fight, you came into the picture. Just as I was thinking of giving up on everything in general. I don't know what made me ask that first question. I didn't know you at all, and yet, something drew me to you. We quickly became friends, both of us helping each other when we were down, having fun talking when we weren't. You were amazing, like a breath of fresh air after suffocating for so long. I started growing feelings for you, and then feelings growing into something more. To learn that you felt the same way left me awestruck. I don't know what forces brought us together, but I can never express enough gratitude that they have. DJ coming into the picture has only compounded that fact. From the moment you told me, I don't know how, but there wasn't a question, wasn't a doubt in my mind, I knew I wanted to be his dad. Soon to be 2 years now, my feelings have never wavered, never doubted us. I think the distance, even with the fact that we haven't actually met in person, has only served to make our bond stronger. I love you. I wish there were stronger words to express my feelings toward you. I have never been so happy with anyone in my life. I'm not going to lie, I have moments that I'm scared to death that I'm going to lose you, moments where I dread messing up. But I think this is normal? I can't say why, but all this has been on my mind all day. It has made me realize that I'm a changed man. No longer the dreary, dark guy, that wouldn't let anyone get close. Now the smiling, happy individual. No longer scared of making friends, and having a much brighter outlook on life in general. There are so many things that have changed about me, things that I've changed, and some that you have. I don't think that its possible to love someone as much as I love you. The real me is back. I have a reason to be again. A reason to live. A reason to meet the world head on.

And that amazing, simple, yet complicated reason, boils down to one thing. My reason is you. I love you baby!!